


Ben and Anakin

by quantumgirl



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Character Study, Force Ghosts, One Shot, Skywalker Family Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 01:49:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5893513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumgirl/pseuds/quantumgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo has been praying to his grandfather, and Anakin has never left him alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ben and Anakin

Kylo has heard the voice for years. 

Sometimes it is that of an old man, rough and tired. Exhaustion emanates through the force, the old man's force-sense that of resignation and pain. 

“Kylo Ren,” the voice says, echoing through the cavities of Kylo’s mind. “There is still good in you. Let your family in.”

Kylo assumes its Luke, somehow. The old Jedi still has some tricks up his sleeve despite his disappearance, of that Kylo is sure. What frustrates Kylo to madness is that he is still not strong enough to avoid his uncle’s touch. That somehow, the soft and senile Luke Skywalker has managed to breach Kylo’s carefully constructed mental shields. 

He seeks out the old mask of Darth Vader after hearing this voice. He tries to drown out the old man’s voice by fostering his hatred for Luke, hating the man who killed Vader and Sidious (who would actually believe that Rebel propaganda that Vader died while killing his own master?).

Sometimes, the voice is a young boy. The youthful presence is hopeful and pure, a force presence projecting wild strength that scares Kylo when he isn’t expecting it. 

“Why would you hurt them?” the voice says, as Kylo issues a killing order. A broken innocence makes Kylo’s soul sting for the voice, even if his own soul no longer feels the pang of murder. “They did nothing wrong!” 

Kylo is less sure who is behind these torments. He thinks of the children he trained with as a young boy. He doesn’t recognize the force signature, but many years have passed since his training as a Jedi. 

He ignites his saber and the crackle of the blade drowns out the voice of the youth. He swings his blade, feeling the power of his split Kyber crystal send vibrations through his hand and up to his shoulder. The blade makes metal and wood and cloth and flesh feel like butter beneath his blows.

Sometimes the voice sounds a little bit—too much—like himself. It is adult and strong and sure. The timber of it reminds him of Luke, and even somehow, of his mother. The echoes of the force that accompany this voice hurt him so much that he usually seeks sanctuary in his bunk. Beneath the strength and vitality are pangs of pride and loss that Kylo knows so intimately that he cannot handle those of this foreign presence in the force.

He hears this voice when his lightsaber slides through his father’s middle. He swears he can hear someone choke and cry out from behind him as he watches Han Solo fall and fall and fall…

“Ben, stop, please,” the voice says softly, simply. Always those three words. Always. 

Kylo calls this voice his demon, for it comes most often, and it is the voice that haunts his dreams. 

The demon is with him as he stalks the forest for Rey and FN-2187. The demon is strong, and in his delirium of blood loss, he sometimes imagines a figure next to him as he slashes his sparking red saber at the glowing blue blade. There is nothing to Kylo but red and blue and the demon.

When he leans all his strength against the girl, against Rey, he spits words at her while unconsciously lacing force persuasion into them, trying to get her to see the truth that he sees and feel the strength that he feels. Rey’s eyes flash in the glow of the blades, and Kylo can feel the balance between them. The balance is shifted toward Kylo. 

His demon deviates from the normal script as this gridlock persists. “Stop this!” the demon yells. “Do you not see this is how we started?!”

Rey’s eyes close and Kylo feels it. He feels her remembering. The balance begins to tilt back toward Rey, and Kylo’s breath becomes rougher. He yells. 

When the world rumbles and Kylo and Rey are separated, separated much as they are in the force, light and dark, broken along the seam, Kylo watches the girl disappear across the earth from him. He is delirious, and he is tired.

Kylo closes his eyes and falls back into the ash. 

“Oh Ben,” the demon says softly, and Kylo feels someone running fingers through his hair. He is reminded of his mother. He cannot think of his father. 

“Ben, let her save you,” the demon says softly. “Don’t wait like I did. Be stronger than I was.”

Kylo opens his eyes and yells, startled by the appearance of a figure before him. He scrambles for his blade even as the demon steps away from him. He is only barely able to bring himself to his feet, but he does not activate his weapon.

Before Kylo stands his demon, fully figured, as a man. The ghost is nearly as tall as Kylo with shaggy dark blonde hair that falls to his shoulders. He has a scar over his right eye, and his lips are set in a grimace. He is wearing black robes over a black leather tunic, and Kylo is reminded of the outfit his uncle Luke wore before becoming a Jedi Master and donning robes of brown.

“You can finally see me?” The demon says, unhurried and unbothered by the global earthquakes rocking beneath them. 

“Leave me be!” Kylo yells. “Why must you torment me?” 

“Oh Ben—”

“That is not my name! I am Kylo Ren.” He presses his hand harshly over the wound in his side, trying to ignore the pain. 

The demon watches him for a while, and Kylo finds it difficult to match the sharp blue gaze for too long. 

“The names we call ourselves are important, Kylo,” the demon says softly, his face contorting on the name. “But you cannot run from who you are. Whether you call yourself Ben or Kylo, your mother is Leia and your father is Han, and they are _good_.” The demon’s mouth twitches in a half smile. “You are a Skywalker, as well.”

“My grandfather was Darth Vader!” Kylo yells. “Who cares about my _weak parents_? He was the strongest Jedi to exist and then was nearly the most powerful Sith before Luke _Skywalker_ ruined it all.” 

The demon says nothing for a moment, watching Kylo with a somber expression. “Was _Vader_ so strong that he was taken down by a half-trained Jedi?” 

Kylo blinks. 

“Anakin was weak. His pride was his folly,” the demon says, stepping closer to Kylo. The ghost leaves no footprints, and the hazy edges of the ghost seem to sharpen as he closes the distance between them. 

“You lie!” Kylo yells. “You are some creature of Luke’s making.”

“Ben,” the demon stops just in front of Kylo’s face, and although he is a ghost, Kylo can see every detail of his face. The large scar over his eye is not alone; small pocks and dents of scars mar the skin before him. Blue eyes fill with translucent tears. “Ben Solo, do you not recognize me?” 

Kylo stumbles backward, until a tree stops his motion. The jolt of the bark against his back knocks the breath out of him, and he slides down the tree, hitting the ground hard. The ash in the air blurs his vision, and he wheezes, choking on it. 

“Get away from me,” Kylo says from the ground, his voice rasping. 

The ghost before him is so bright in the force, lighter than Rey, and now waves of sorrow are rolling off of him. 

“Do you not recognize your grandfather?” The ghost asks, and on his next breath, a black mask replaces the young scarred face, and the infamous crackling breath sends shivers down Kylo’s spine as the ghost of Darth Vader breaths before him. 

When Kylo blinks, the mask is gone, and Anakin Skywalker’s face has returned. 

“I am with you always, just as you asked,” Anakin says softly. 

“No, no, no, no,” Kylo murmurs, his chest suddenly tight with pain unrelated to his wounds. “These are Luke’s lies!”

“Ben, please, I understand,” Anakin whispers. “I fell too.” 

“No! Get away from me!” Kylo grabs his lightsaber and ignites it. The glow of the red contorts Anakin’s ghostly face, and Kylo swings the blade wildly from his sitting position. The twisting pulls at his ripped side, but he ignores the pain. 

The spiting red blade doesn’t hurt the ghost, of course, but Anakin’s figure begins to fade all the same. 

“Ben, I did this _for_ our family!” The ghost says, yelling now, an edge of impatience and anger tinting the voice. “You’re worshiping an idea that doesn’t exist!” 

“Go away!” Kylo roars, as loudly as he can, the muscles in his abdomen contracting painfully. “Leave me, demon!” 

And like that, the ghost is gone, and Kylo’s vision begins to blacken with spots. The waves of the light side of the force ebb away from Kylo’s senses, and he feels that he is choking with darkness and anger. 

“I hate you!” Kylo yells, unsure if he is speaking to Luke or Anakin. The only response to his outburst is the rumble of the planet below echoing through the trees. He shivers, feeling cold suddenly. There is no voice and no presence, neither a young innocent voice nor an old tired one. Nothing.

For the first time in his life, Kylo feels truly alone. He doesn’t let himself cry, but something inside of him is breaking. He tells himself it is his past finally put to rest. His mind wanders over visions of Snoke and Luke and Rey, his thoughts sluggish and pained.

He is delirious by the time he hears the whir of ships coming to find him. A stormtrooper eventually discovers him lying like a doll against the tree. The white-clad soldier kneels before him and speaks into his comlink, “I’ve got him, captain.” 

“Sir?” the stormtrooper places a hand on Kylo’s shoulder. “Are the targets dead?” 

“Ben,” Kylo mumbles. 

“Sir?”

“Ben’s still alive,” Kylo slurs, “The girl saw him.”

The stormtrooper leans back on his heels and tilts his head as he speaks into his comlink again, “I can barely understand him. We need a medic immediately.”

Kylo looks down at his wounded side, the cloth of his cloak shiny and slick with blood. His last thought before losing consciousness is simple and oddly childlike even in his own mind. _I can’t believe Chewie shot me._

**Author's Note:**

> The major character death was a reference to Han's death being re-lived. *sniff* I wasn't implying Kylo dies or anything.
> 
> This even isn't really supposed to imply that Kylo became light-side again. More like, he's so delirious that Ben Solo starts to come out a little, because he isn't totally gone.


End file.
